Leadership character: The role of selflessness
We’ve all had leaders who are really taken with their image in the mirror, so impressed by the power and influence they seemingly wield. They’re the center of attention, and pleasing them becomes the focus of all our efforts. It's easy for us to notice their selfishness as they push the people in our organizations to increase the bottom line. And yet they’re often unaware of just how easily we see through their shallow veneer.
But speaking of mirrors, let’s turn them on ourselves. The truth is that those we lead see through our facades just as easily as we see through the facades of those above us. So often we forget to serve those we lead and digress to forcing performance from them.
No one wants a weak leader, and no one should have to tolerate one. Selflessness is all about strength, and it’s not for the faint of heart. Weakness, on the other hand, takes the path of least resistance; and as humans, that means being selfish — wanting all the credit and none of the blame. Real strength is measured by what we enable our followers to accomplish through our service to them, not by the pressure of our grip and the weight of our demands. Attempting to demonstrate just how strong our powers of authority are as leaders is the quickest path to confirming our weakness.
One of the best leaders I've had the privilege to follow once told me: "To lead is to serve; nothing more, nothing less." His first concern was for how he could help those doing the most critical work of the day. He suffered no fools either, and yet he was not the focus of my accountability as a subordinate leader. Together we served those we led, and he always made clear that those following us deserve our very best.
It takes heart and soul to lead in a manner worthy of the respect of your followers. You need to be out front where the action is — not doing everyone else's job or micro-managing, but learning what the people of your organization really need from you. And when you ask them what you can do for them, make sure you are listening instead of waiting to talk. Shoulder the heaviest burden first and set it down last: that’s how you'll become a leader worth listening to. Being selfless is one of the hardest things you'll ever do as a leader, and it requires competence. We kid ourselves when we refer to "tough calls" as administrative actions we do from the comfort of an office chair. We make truly tough calls when we place ourselves in the direct line of sight of our organizations and ask ourselves, "Am I asking them to do something I'm unwilling to do?"
Selfish leaders generally fear two things. First, that they'll be exposed as incompetent. And second, that by their unwillingness to make the same sacrifices they demand of others, everyone will recognize them as an imposter and not a leader. Motivation from intimidation is a sure sign of insecurity and fear from leaders who, deep down, know they owe their followers more resources and less pressure.
Demand the respect of others and it will slip through your hands like water, where the harder you squeeze the faster it fades. But set your heart, mind and hands to selflessly serving those you lead, and their respect and admiration will endure. Look hard at whether your followers' loyalty to you is because of what you can do for them or to them. Selfless leaders get their egos out of the way in order to focus on the mission and those who accomplish it. Selfish leaders want their personal pride stroked by intimidating others and feeling important.
As leaders, we hold others — especially subordinate leaders — accountable. And yet we must be even more accountable to them. If you start to hear yourself say "I've already done that" or "that's below my pay grade," you’ve probably started to believe that others are there to serve you. Without regulation, we’re all vulnerable to leading selfishly. So first, be transparent with your own followers that you’re there to serve; and then, help others acknowledge the unrealistic fears at the root of their own selfish behaviors.
Col. Eric Kail is an Army field artillery officer who has commanded at the company and battalion levels. He is the course director of military leadership at the U.S. Military Academy at West Point. He holds a PhD in organizational psychology.
Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not reflect the official policy or position of the Department of the Army, Department of Defense or the U.S. Government.
Will Power and Self Discipline
The possession of willpower and self discipline or their lack, play an important role in everyone's life. For example, you wish to go for a walk, knowing how good it is for your health and how wonderful you feel afterwards, but you feel too lazy, and prefer to watch TV instead. You might be aware of the fact that you need to change your eating habits or stop smoking, but you don't have the inner power and persistence to change these habits.
Does this sound familiar? How many times have you said, "I wish I had will power and self discipline"? How many times have you started to do something, only to quit after a short while? We all have had experiences like these.
Everyone has a few habits they wish they could get rid of, such as smoking, excessive eating, laziness, procrastination or lack of assertiveness. To overcome these habits or addictions, one needs a certain degree of willpower and self discipline. Their possession makes a great difference in everyone's life, bringing to the fore inner strength, self mastery and decisiveness.
Definitions of Will Power and Self Discipline
Will power is the ability to overcome laziness and procrastination. It is the ability to control or reject unnecessary or harmful impulses. It is the ability to arrive at a decision and follow it with perseverance until its successful accomplishment. It is the inner power that overcomes the desire to indulge in unnecessary and useless habits, and the inner strength that overcomes inner emotional and mental resistance for taking action. It is one of the corner stones of success, both spiritual and material.
Self-discipline is the companion of will power. It endows the one possessing it with the stamina to persevere in whatever he or she does. It bestows the ability to withstand hardships and difficulties, whether physical, emotional or mental. It grants the ability to reject immediate satisfaction, in order to gain something better, but, which requires effort and time.
Everyone has inner, unconscious, or partly conscious impulses, making them say or do things they later regret saying or doing. On many occasions people do not think before they talk or act. By developing these two powers, one becomes conscious of the inner, subconscious impulses, and gains the ability to reject them when they are not for his/her own good.
These two powers help us to choose our behavior and reactions, instead of being ruled by them. Their possession won't make life dull or boring. On the contrary, you will feel more powerful, in charge of yourself and your surroundings, happy and satisfied.
How many times have you felt too weak, lazy or shy to do something you wanted to do? You can gain inner strength, initiative and the ability to make decisions and follow them. Believe me, it is not difficult to develop these two powers. If you are earnest and are willing to become stronger, you will certainly succeed.
In this article, you will find some exercises and techniques for developing these abilities. These simple, but effective exercises, can be performed everywhere and at any time. Go slowly and gradually, and you will see how you get stronger and your life start improving.
There is a misconception in the public mind regarding will power. It is erroneously thought to be something strenuous and difficult, and that one has to exert and tense the body and mind when expressing it. It is a completely wrong concept. This is one of the reasons why people avoid using it, though they are conscious of its benefits. They acknowledge the fact that the employment of will power in their life and affairs will greatly help them, and that they need to strengthen it, yet they do nothing about it.
Will power gets stronger by holding back and not allowing the expression of unimportant, unnecessary and unhealthy thoughts, feelings, actions and reactions. If this saved energy is not allowed expression, it is stored inside you like a battery, and it becomes available at the time of need. By practicing appropriate exercises, you develop your powers the same way, as a person who trains his/her muscles in order to strengthen them.
Developing Will Power and Self Discipline
An effective method for improving these abilities is the performance of certain actions or activities, which you would rather avoid doing, due to laziness, procrastination, weakness, shyness, etc. By doing things that you usually do not like to do, or feel too lazy to do, you overcome your subconscious resistance, and train your mind to obey you. As muscles get stronger by resisting the weight of barbells, so inner strength is attained by overcoming inner resistance.
Here are a few exercises:
1) You are sitting in a bus or train and an old man or woman, or a pregnant lady walks in. Stand up and give up your seat, even if you prefer to stay seated. Act so, not just because it is polite, but because you are doing something that you are reluctant to do. This is an exercise in overcoming the resistance of your body, mind and feelings.
2) There are dishes in the sink that need washing, and you postpone washing them for later. Get up and wash them now. Do not let your laziness overcome you. When you know that in this way you are developing your will power, and if you are convinced of the importance of will power in your life, it will be easier for you to do whatever you have to do.
3) You come home tired from work and sit in front of the T.V., because you feel too lazy and too tired to take a shower first. Do not succumb to the desire to sit in front of the T.V, and go and take a shower.
4) Do you like your coffee with sugar? If you do, then for one whole week drink it without sugar. Do you drink three cups of coffee each day? If you do, then drink only two cups a day for one whole week.
5) Don't read some unimportant gossip in the newspaper, even if you want to.
Don't say that you cannot practice the above exercises, because you certainly can. Motivate yourself, by thinking about of their importance, and about the inner power and strength that you will gain. Remember, the purpose of the exercises is to develop inner strength, not making life difficult for you.
These are just a few, simple exercises, however, they can be a start in the right direction. You can find many exercises, guidance and practical information in the book Willpower and Self Discipline, mentioned at the bottom of this page.
If you practice weight lifting, running or aerobics, you strengthen your muscles, so that when you need to move or carry something heavy, for example, you have the strength for it. By studying French each day, you will be able to speak French when you travel to France. It is the same with will power and self-discipline; by strengthening them, they become available for your use, whenever you need them.
Benefits of Possessing Will Power and Self Discipline
You need these skills to control your thoughts, improve your concentration, and to become the boss of your mind. The stronger these skills are, the more inner strength you possess.
Being the master of your mind you enjoy inner peace and happiness. External events do not sway you, and circumstances have no power over your peace of mind. This might sound too unreal for you, but experience will prove to you that all the above is true.
These skills are vital for achieving success. They give you more control over your life, help you change and improve habits, and are essential for self improvement, spiritual growth and meditation.
Practice the exercises presented here earnestly and persistently and your life will start changing.
Should one judge a person by external appearance?
1] What do you feel when a handsome gentleman or a beautiful lady passes by? Then how about a fat short person wearing a dirty shirt? You feel differently? Yes, most people do. It’s very common for people to judge a person by external appearance, because it’s easy and direct, and it’s instinctive. Appearance is a very important aspect of a person and reflects one’s personalities. Sometime you call tell the person’s characterizes from his appearance. However, in most cases, you cannot tell exactly what the person is life just from the external appearance, and ethically, we should not judge a person just be one glance at his external appearance.“Beauty and beast” and “Snow white and seven dwarves” are two stories that are almost known by everyone. Although there are fables, there is deep meaning inside them. What you can learn from them is that people that are not so good-looking can be very good people internally. And actually there are tons of examples in reality. Napoleon is a very short guy, but he was one of the most famous in the history. Theodore Roosevelt, former US president during World War II, is handicapped; but he is one of the most successful presidents in American history. So how can you tell about the people from their external appearance?Moreover, there are other inedible facts that show that a beautiful person may be rotten inside. There are any many prostitutes on the busy streets. It’s obviously that they are very beautiful, but are they really righteous people? A beautiful appearance is a good thing, but righteous heart is more valuable. Finally, as we can see, its’ out of question that we should not judge people just from their external appearance. The most important standard is their internal personality.
2] Lincoln, one of the greatest American presidents, was said to be very bad looking. Once when his rival accused him to be a “two sided” person, Lincoln replied by saying to the audience, “If I had another face, would I wear this one?” Now what we remember about Lincoln is his character, his deeds, his contribution to the country, no one would care about what he looked like.I agree with the title statement because a person’s inner quality is much more important than his external appearances. Whether a person looks good or bad looks good or bad cannot be decided by himself. A man’s external appearances are born and generally cannot be changed. But everyone can improve his inner quality by his own efforts. By reading books, learning from others and working hard, we can make progress and achieve success. It was said that Napoleon was very short, but he was respected and admired by people as an outstanding military and political leader. It is the dream of every man to have a pretty wife, yet it is also widely acknowledged that a beautiful woman does not necessarily equal a good wife.
Many men would rather choose a woman with a common face than a good-looking one. Because they know the virtue of a woman is more important than her outer appearance. A great deal of couples who go hand in hand for their life attribute their happy marriage to loving the other’s inner quality instead of loving a pretty face. In business, a boss would never judge his employee by their external appearances; instead what he concerns would be their capability, their assiduity, and their performance. A person with bad appearances but good performance will more likely be promoted than another one with good appearances but bad performance.
Above all, if a person has good appearances, he should not rely on them because he will unlikely achieve success if he does not work hard. However, on the other hand, if he looks bad, he should not feel depressed because he can make others respect him through his own efforts.
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